工作日志
四月29日

戏剧性的事情发生了，有人转发了我的电邮给高层，然后高层下命令要同顾问公司尽力争取...说实在，有吓到和胆怯。只是几个星期的时间，我换了工作和职位，然而我没有觉得自己和几个月之前有什么重大的改变，我还是那个错漏百出的我。

觉得很疲惫，没有人可以帮上忙，有事上来也没有人可以问~ 我觉得自己不懂的东西还很多。

SMK也失业了，我家的小龟在今天以后也要失业了。经济不景气，我也不清楚自己还要做多久。站在刀锋上的感觉，是的，在危机当中扬名立万的机会更大，这和我当初的想法一样，然而，高层的决策当中有我最厌恶的高层政治，我很累~现在的我只想有东西学，准时上下班，有薪水，有时间发展自己兴趣，种种薯仔...

其实，未来的事情又有谁知道？
就放开胸怀去迎接未来，反正我也没有什么可以输的东西了

加油

久未约同学们出来，真出来了，吃个饭却比预定时间迟了整整一个多小时。闲聊时候说起该位同学在遥远的新界上班，一个多小时的车程，可是他也赶来了。

大家各自说了自己的近况，有的说下个月去台湾拍婚照，有的说刚刚进了大台当导演，有的说自己终于成为独当一面的设计师，有的说自己刚刚换新工作...

承如老师当年的戏言，大家可是注定要在工作上遇到挫折的。

同学说我依然未能放开，我反问她怎样才是放开？她说有一天我不会提起旧公司的人和事，那大抵就已经放开... 只是珍阿，我记性太好了，脑子容量很大，好的不好的大的小的我都记得，那我曾经引以为傲的，现在反而成为我最大的痛苦来源。

曾经，天色一黑，灯一关，我就觉得想哭。 不能理解为什么大家都迫不及待要到的香港这样一个冷漠无情的地方。

在政治的角力上我表现幼稚，我不适合，也不希望自己变得世故。只是，如何在乱世之中保护自己且不离初衷，大概也是社会大学中我依旧需要进修的一门课。

加油喔~婉儿

Working Diary
27 April 2016

Mid of third week. still pending the offer from other company. Waiting is a long journey, time can destroy dream and hope. Last time better find a job before deliver the resignation letter.

They start let me draft the invoice letter, VO letter but deliver to be on the time should be off... I am not happy with it, as a company that treat OT is company culture and no system at all....

Shared plant photoed with friends and quite good hear their news.

Mum came back and little turtle will be released soon.

Be patient and keep waiting, others, I can do nothing.

Janet

Working Diary

26 Apr 2016

Most most important thing that I remember in this two weeks is write my working diary.

Told my situation to ex-college, we summarize the key problems are the there is too much works and here not yet have works.

Issue out some personal document to civil contractor company and pending for their offer.

When there is an offer, I will accept it... try to learn something new la... might be there is something new pending me. 

Life is always busy and need make a balance. Leave a convenience zone need courage. thank you you all, my exit college.

Thanks

Janet 

Third Weeks

25 Apr 2016

Sunny

Still no important thing need to tackle, I am tired that using one week to finish one quotation only. Not yet have or will it have other offer? 

Still remember the old friend in S, we have to say, the feeling likes schoolmate. Shared cake photos to Yuan and he replied me the another sweet video. Lily said she wan to spare time to join the production process. very sweet ar...  

Little sister's last day is coming and she feels stressful that after sent out CV but still have no reply yet. I try to have a sharing to her that the market is really not performs good. No one know I let on early of Feb but on board on Apr. When you stay at home alone without other business but just keep send out CV, that feeling is not good. You will try there is any problem for the CV or there is any problem for me... 

When you look back, take out all emotion, you will find the real reason that you left. There is a place not encourage people to growth. Let it go, Ying, I believe our future shall be better. 

I promised once I have new offer, I will planning a new trip with her. Be happy ar. Add oil.

Janet

Working Diary
20 April 2016

Second day of second week, carry out the VO works which the PM assign and I feel the progress for pricing VO is really slow and the handling procedure is poor as well.

I told that guy we shall build up a PR rate sheet and star rate sheet in order to proper monitor the VOs.

Received KH's call yesterday morning, quite happy that we told business event as nothing happen. He mentions that he still on going with their subcontractor issue and try to summarize the things that I left. I told him now I get a new job and I working at NTT. I guess he already know which company I working for, as there is limited companies which had works in NTT.

Told that guy the reasons that I left my previous company during lunch hour. He also felt stressful and I guess he no longer want to go my previous company now.

We shared many things, the age, career experience etc. what he presents is that he got a lot of hard time. Searching my pass experience, what I still remember the happiest time is when I working as tutor. Everyday you can saw the child, nothing you need to worry and you can believe what you do and you say can affect people, made them a better man. Finally I find that is my dream, unfortunately it is too far away from my working now.

Dream to reality.... still have a very long distance.

So Man Key told me that she will go the that three big guy interview and we also shear the interview experience.

Previous company? likes a very bad EX as my sister said, we better forget about it.
Finally I need to growth up but I blessing that under the road, have many lovely you.

Janet

My Working Diary

Second weeks working for new company, the situation is definitely better than first week. I stop thinking my previous company, old times, people and system. As my sister said, it was passed and everyone know what hard time you suffer and you know that very well. If there is not a good memory, how about just "Let it go"?

Memory always telling lie as in deep we trend to remember good things rather than bad thing.

I keep go to the interview in different company last week, there are second interview that offer to V company. actually the process is tired and time consuming. Benefit, working environment, salary, workload... P, C, V...

Change is good because it can inspire you for further learning and we shall take the challenge from environment rather than stay in our convenience zone and learn nothing.

Right? I believe it is the real life.

19 Apr 2016
Morning
Janet

天色一暗我就開始覺得很辛苦，沒有人看到我的時候我就想哭，我不開心，我也不知道為甚麼，其實都已經辭職了，為甚麼還要糾纏我？我不想連累任何人，就讓我瀟瀟灑灑地走吧！

工作辛苦，沒有睡覺的時間，功課每次都趕不及交，做的事情沒有一樣是自己滿意的，開始有人將積累已久的問題挖出來講，我不甘心別人說我沒有腦子，開始反擊，大概我理解不到別人的想法，別人也開始用比沒有腦子更苛刻的詞語，我的肩膀越來越緊，每天都覺得很不開心，上班的路變得很長很長，腳步變得越來越重，我比以前更加脆弱，自己一個人坐著坐著，腦子就開始放空。

終於，我覺得自己真的不行了，我真的要離開這樣的一個地方，我走了。然而，原來有人比你更加想你離開，開始趕你走了，你驚然發現，在離開的背後，四年的回憶裡頭，還有太多太多的美好人和事…

當然有！不然你怎麼能夠4個365天？

他們真的對我很好！熟悉的環境裡是滿滿的努力過的痕蹟…

真的要放棄了…

我揮手說了再見，開開心心地說了再見，大家都覺得我很開心，只有她一個看到我在偷偷搽眼淚

是委屈…也是任性…

怎麼我覺得～離開，她心中的傷痛不比我少

我承認，在熟悉朋友的面前，我一直很軟弱。

遇到問題一直躲開，
淚腺非常發達，
很多事情過於敏感，
常常迷路，
冒失，

感激你們一直的包容，沒有你們，造就不到今天的我，還可以相信別人，堅持自己的立場如初。

生命不該是掙扎，是生命與成長

我知道在這關頭，我不應該再去想，只是人終是不由自主的。

我想對自己說句話，想對在我心裡的你們說幾句話…

說不出來有多幸運，能夠找到相知的好友們，有人陪笑，陪哭，傷心時候有人安慰，開心的事情可以分享。

不知道多久以前發現，自己電話裡面超過一半都是公司同事的電話，在同一個位置的我或許已經過得太久，這也許是個很好的機會，讓我重新審視自己。

人總要長大，但我很幸運，因為有你們的一直陪伴。

無論她說甚麼，我都覺得別有用心，在我的腦海裡實在有太多太多不愉快的畫面。我說人與人相處，尤其信任這事情，一旦崩壞了，其實根本不能相處得來。

別讓自己悲劇下去，不要再又哪一天自己偷偷地哭，再搽眼淚…

加班到深夜…人和腦子都開始放空，我順著我記憶中回家的路前行，上電梯，等車，坐下…眨眼的時間，一個穿黑色西裝的白鬍子老外坐在了我旁邊，是甚麼事？我是要死了嗎？記憶中的天堂的使者都是這樣的啊。我要死了嗎？

我要死了，我戶頭裡面的錢還不夠老媽和小妹用，早知道就努力多掙點錢。我真的死了，誰會來我的葬禮？當天閨蜜們應該會覺得好傷心，淚腺發達的，一定停不下來。有甚麼好傷心啊？我都沒有好好為你們做些甚麼？一個禮拜，兩個禮拜，一個月兩個月，你們很快就會忘了吧？忘了吧？死了的人還記住幹甚麼？就應該好好努力認真過自己的日子啊？

我妹～大抵要立即辭職了，要找一份可以養得起家的啊~你一直都很堅強，以後要更努力啊~

老媽子就不要再讓別人操心啦，多多注意別人的臉色，少惹事也不要打那麼多牌了…要幫小妹省省啊~

奶奶年事已高了，抱歉讓你再白頭人送黑頭人，有時候命運這事情真的很難講。要好好照顧自己，孩子的事都不要操心了，反正你也操心不來～

同事們應該很容易回復過來的，我沒有擔心過，能夠與你們共事確實是我的福氣…感謝能夠需要你們～

真的很幸運自己沒有在梗多人心中佔據重要的位置，因為我並不希望有人會因為我的離去而感到傷心。

我搽搽發紅的鼻子，轉眼間身體已經到了轉車站…

原來，我還沒有死啊？

………

懂得躲起來哭，不讓別人看到～才算是真正的大人

沒有悲傷，怎麼顯得快樂珍貴？

小時候曾經聽過這個一句話～
如果有一天，你懂得為他人而犧牲自己的利益，證明你已經長大了

天氣鬱悶得很，最近連自己連自己是憂鬱是開心都說不清楚。這種放空的狀態讓人不知所措，好多的事情都難以填補那個似乎長久以來就存在的缺口。

我知道做生意不可感情用事，只是大家都是人，又怎能不考慮情感上的需要。

眼見一起進來的同事升職，心裡雖然開始的時候還是有點不快，但明白其實這都是行政手段，是他們想將人死死地困在一個地方的政治性考慮。我不明白，是從什麼時候開始升職不是從員工本身的能力作為考量指標，而是單純的政治考慮？

難道除了政治角力，我就沒有能力可言嗎？

打從小時候開始我就知道，人要學會如何照顧自己，因為最終可以靠的也只有自己。